Historically speaking, December 31 is my least favorite day of the year. The hype surrounding today into tomorrow drives me crazy. Tomorrow is not a clean slate, it's just another day. Another day to live, love and glorify my Savior. 2011 was great. 2012 will be great. I mean, hey, life is just good. I don't need to get drunk, party and start over tomorrow. Stupid. Just stupid.
With that said, the next two days will be very fun...breakfast and a movie with the Flakers today. Ice skaing with Ben and Kenzie tonight (have I mentioned how much I love our best friends are also my sister and her husband?), and tomorrow, I get to celebrate my brother's baptism.
See, life is good.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Job 38
1 Then the LORD spoke to Job out of the storm. He said:
2 “Who is this that obscures my plans
with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.
4 “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6 On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone—
7 while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels[a] shouted for joy?
8 “Who shut up the sea behind doors
when it burst forth from the womb,
9 when I made the clouds its garment
and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 when I fixed limits for it
and set its doors and bars in place,
11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt’?
12 “Have you ever given orders to the morning,
or shown the dawn its place,
13 that it might take the earth by the edges
and shake the wicked out of it?
14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;
its features stand out like those of a garment.
15 The wicked are denied their light,
and their upraised arm is broken.
16 “Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea
or walked in the recesses of the deep?
17 Have the gates of death been shown to you?
Have you seen the gates of the deepest darkness?
18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?
Tell me, if you know all this.
19 “What is the way to the abode of light?
And where does darkness reside?
20 Can you take them to their places?
Do you know the paths to their dwellings?
21 Surely you know, for you were already born!
You have lived so many years!
22 “Have you entered the storehouses of the snow
or seen the storehouses of the hail,
23 which I reserve for times of trouble,
for days of war and battle?
24 What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed,
or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?
25 Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain,
and a path for the thunderstorm,
26 to water a land where no one lives,
an uninhabited desert,
27 to satisfy a desolate wasteland
and make it sprout with grass?
28 Does the rain have a father?
Who fathers the drops of dew?
29 From whose womb comes the ice?
Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens
30 when the waters become hard as stone,
when the surface of the deep is frozen?
31 “Can you bind the chains[b] of the Pleiades?
Can you loosen Orion’s belt?
32 Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons[c]
or lead out the Bear[d] with its cubs?
33 Do you know the laws of the heavens?
Can you set up God’s[e] dominion over the earth?
34 “Can you raise your voice to the clouds
and cover yourself with a flood of water?
35 Do you send the lightning bolts on their way?
Do they report to you, ‘Here we are’?
36 Who gives the ibis wisdom[f]
or gives the rooster understanding?[g]
37 Who has the wisdom to count the clouds?
Who can tip over the water jars of the heavens
38 when the dust becomes hard
and the clods of earth stick together?
39 “Do you hunt the prey for the lioness
and satisfy the hunger of the lions
40 when they crouch in their dens
or lie in wait in a thicket?
41 Who provides food for the raven
when its young cry out to God
and wander about for lack of food?
God is God and I am not. There is no greater peace than that.
2 “Who is this that obscures my plans
with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.
4 “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6 On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone—
7 while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels[a] shouted for joy?
8 “Who shut up the sea behind doors
when it burst forth from the womb,
9 when I made the clouds its garment
and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 when I fixed limits for it
and set its doors and bars in place,
11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt’?
12 “Have you ever given orders to the morning,
or shown the dawn its place,
13 that it might take the earth by the edges
and shake the wicked out of it?
14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;
its features stand out like those of a garment.
15 The wicked are denied their light,
and their upraised arm is broken.
16 “Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea
or walked in the recesses of the deep?
17 Have the gates of death been shown to you?
Have you seen the gates of the deepest darkness?
18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?
Tell me, if you know all this.
19 “What is the way to the abode of light?
And where does darkness reside?
20 Can you take them to their places?
Do you know the paths to their dwellings?
21 Surely you know, for you were already born!
You have lived so many years!
22 “Have you entered the storehouses of the snow
or seen the storehouses of the hail,
23 which I reserve for times of trouble,
for days of war and battle?
24 What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed,
or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?
25 Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain,
and a path for the thunderstorm,
26 to water a land where no one lives,
an uninhabited desert,
27 to satisfy a desolate wasteland
and make it sprout with grass?
28 Does the rain have a father?
Who fathers the drops of dew?
29 From whose womb comes the ice?
Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens
30 when the waters become hard as stone,
when the surface of the deep is frozen?
31 “Can you bind the chains[b] of the Pleiades?
Can you loosen Orion’s belt?
32 Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons[c]
or lead out the Bear[d] with its cubs?
33 Do you know the laws of the heavens?
Can you set up God’s[e] dominion over the earth?
34 “Can you raise your voice to the clouds
and cover yourself with a flood of water?
35 Do you send the lightning bolts on their way?
Do they report to you, ‘Here we are’?
36 Who gives the ibis wisdom[f]
or gives the rooster understanding?[g]
37 Who has the wisdom to count the clouds?
Who can tip over the water jars of the heavens
38 when the dust becomes hard
and the clods of earth stick together?
39 “Do you hunt the prey for the lioness
and satisfy the hunger of the lions
40 when they crouch in their dens
or lie in wait in a thicket?
41 Who provides food for the raven
when its young cry out to God
and wander about for lack of food?
God is God and I am not. There is no greater peace than that.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Merry Christmas, Harith
A few weeks ago I clicked on this website and found the following:
This is probably the 3rd time in 12 years that we have had to send out an urgent appeal for funds. Please consider this as an opportunity to help us save a child’s life.
Harith is a 1-month-old abandoned baby boy who was born with a connection between his esophagus (swallowing tube) and his trachea (breathing tube).
We don't know much of his history but it’s likely that he was fed milk soon after birth which ended up in his lungs causing a severe reaction and infection. He has been admitted to a local hospital twice and was still discharged to our care in the same condition. The local doctors have given up on him as his care will take a long time and he has a very difficult road ahead of him.
Every day, we take care of babies who will not make it, but we feel we are not ready to give up on Harith so soon. As far as we can see, he is a normal little boy who, if we can get him through this rough patch successfully, he would have an excellent chance to be in a loving family.
The only option we have at this time, is to bring him to Beijing to be under the care of competent doctors at Beijing United Family Hospital but the costs will be high, probably around US$100,000.
If any of you feel that you are able and willing to give this baby a chance by contributing to his medical care, we would be very grateful for donations of any amounts to save this child.
Thanking you with hope in our hearts,
Joyce Hill
I have always loved and respected the philosophy of New Hope: If a child is sick, their parents would do ANYTHING to help them, save them or comfort them. New Hope operates on behalf of the "parent" for the orphans in their foster home. Harith's chances may not be great, but if he had a mom and dad, they would fight for their child, and that's exactly what Rob and Dr. Joyce Hill do.
I'm sure you can see where this is going. The small amount we had set aside may not have even dented the price tag of his care, but maybe it provided a day or 2 of meds, and that is so much better than a food processor or jewelry box if you ask me.
This is probably the 3rd time in 12 years that we have had to send out an urgent appeal for funds. Please consider this as an opportunity to help us save a child’s life.
Harith is a 1-month-old abandoned baby boy who was born with a connection between his esophagus (swallowing tube) and his trachea (breathing tube).
We don't know much of his history but it’s likely that he was fed milk soon after birth which ended up in his lungs causing a severe reaction and infection. He has been admitted to a local hospital twice and was still discharged to our care in the same condition. The local doctors have given up on him as his care will take a long time and he has a very difficult road ahead of him.
Every day, we take care of babies who will not make it, but we feel we are not ready to give up on Harith so soon. As far as we can see, he is a normal little boy who, if we can get him through this rough patch successfully, he would have an excellent chance to be in a loving family.
The only option we have at this time, is to bring him to Beijing to be under the care of competent doctors at Beijing United Family Hospital but the costs will be high, probably around US$100,000.
If any of you feel that you are able and willing to give this baby a chance by contributing to his medical care, we would be very grateful for donations of any amounts to save this child.
Thanking you with hope in our hearts,
Joyce Hill
I have always loved and respected the philosophy of New Hope: If a child is sick, their parents would do ANYTHING to help them, save them or comfort them. New Hope operates on behalf of the "parent" for the orphans in their foster home. Harith's chances may not be great, but if he had a mom and dad, they would fight for their child, and that's exactly what Rob and Dr. Joyce Hill do.
I'm sure you can see where this is going. The small amount we had set aside may not have even dented the price tag of his care, but maybe it provided a day or 2 of meds, and that is so much better than a food processor or jewelry box if you ask me.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Joy
I really do love this word.
I can think back on times the Holy Spirit has surprised me by graciously granting joy when mourning or worry would be expected. In those times, joy is furthered by the realization how deep your faith runs when challenged.
Anyway, during a quiet moment at the close of our church service today, I reflected on how difficult it truly is for me to put the joy I have in words. Well, maybe not always difficult, but difficult when talking to unbelievers. I am on my knees lifting up friends and acquaintances at work often, asking the Lord to grant me the attitude and words to always glorify and point to Him. But how can they understand this joy when there is no reference point for where it comes? I can proclaim it comes from my Savior God, but only the Spirit can allow understanding. I sometimes wonder if I am touching anyone's life or I feel (fear) I should have made "more progress" by now. I guess you can never know the seeds you plant...
but I choose to remain joyful and faithful in my claim in Christ.
I can think back on times the Holy Spirit has surprised me by graciously granting joy when mourning or worry would be expected. In those times, joy is furthered by the realization how deep your faith runs when challenged.
Anyway, during a quiet moment at the close of our church service today, I reflected on how difficult it truly is for me to put the joy I have in words. Well, maybe not always difficult, but difficult when talking to unbelievers. I am on my knees lifting up friends and acquaintances at work often, asking the Lord to grant me the attitude and words to always glorify and point to Him. But how can they understand this joy when there is no reference point for where it comes? I can proclaim it comes from my Savior God, but only the Spirit can allow understanding. I sometimes wonder if I am touching anyone's life or I feel (fear) I should have made "more progress" by now. I guess you can never know the seeds you plant...
but I choose to remain joyful and faithful in my claim in Christ.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Salvation. Not a one time event.
Sharing an article I enjoyed. After attending a Beth Moore conference on preparation in August, I left wondering what God was preparing me for. Through the last several months, I've felt He has been preparing me, breaking me and refining me for motherhood.
"Again, well before I ever physically bore a child, God was using the bearing of children to reveal to me my fears and unbelief."
Yep.
Women Saved Through Childbearing?!
http://www.theologyforwomen.org/
Last week I posted a short encouragement to moms of infants and toddlers. I average 200 or so visitors to the blog daily. I've had a few times on this blog that daily visitors have spiked over 1000. The Gospel Coalition has picked up a few of my posts. I posted a few articles on Desiring God, and hits to the blog spiked then too. But after the post for moms of infants and toddlers, no major source picked up the blog article. Even so, hits to my blog were at an all-time high. Over 450 (*now it's 500) individuals shared the article on Facebook—most definitely an all-time high for this blog. I pondered all of this. No major evangelical outlets picked up this article. It didn't stand out to them, and I respect that. Yet, for the moms in the trenches, it struck a major nerve.
Moms in the trenches—now there's a demographic. You're not the soccer moms. More the spit-up moms. The poop moms. The keep-them-from-swallowing-poison-today moms. Raising these little ones has exposed in us something raw and needy. Childbearing. Child rearing. It is not for the faint of heart.
A few years ago, I sat through a Mother's Day sermon that made me cringe at the onset. The pastor announced his passage, and I wanted to walk out. It was 1 Timothy 2:15.
“Yet she will be saved through childbearing--if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.“
Come on, Pastor?! Don't you know better than to go there?!! Paul sounds like such a sexist there. And, yet, on this particular Sunday, the message ended up being a real encouragement to me. I finally got the point of Paul’s words. I’m sure it helped that I was the mother of 2 young boys stuck in the trenches. As I listened to the pastor’s explanation in light of my own experiences as a young, naïve, but earnest mother, the Spirit made some things clear to me from this passage.
I grew up thinking the term “saved” referred simply to that one point in time in which I walked down the isle of my church, repented of my sins, and publicly professed belief in Christ. That was “getting saved”. Once I “got saved”, that term had served its purpose in my life, and I needed to focus on other Christian obligations. As an adult, I’ve come to understand the broader way the Scripture uses the term salvation. Salvation is a process that follows me from the day I first understand my need for Jesus Christ (or more accurately, from before time began) until I sit at the Marriage Feast in heaven as the Bride of Christ. Scripture uses the terms justification, sanctification, and glorification to define this process. I was saved (justification). I am being saved (sanctification). And I will be saved (glorification).
The term saved encompasses our redemption from sin and reconciliation to God. The entire process is by God’s free grace through faith in Jesus Christ. It begins with justification—God opens my eyes to my need for Him, and I repent of my sin and place my faith in Jesus. God declares me righteous through Christ’s payment for sin on the cross, switching Christ’s perfection to my account and my sin to Christ’s account. But then I wake up the next morning, and I still struggle, quite consistently, with sin. This leads to sanctification—where slowly over time God roots out our sin and conforms us more and more to the image of Jesus Christ. It’s becoming in reality what God has already declared us to be in heaven—i. e. perfectly righteous. Glorification is the end—in heaven, God will present us to Jesus at the Marriage Feast in beauty and perfection. We will finally be in reality a Bride worthy of the Lamb.
But here I am now, a 40 something mother of 2 young boys, stuck right in the middle. I am justified—God has declared me righteous in heaven. I am reconciled to Him through Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. But I’m still a sinner. In the midst of that, I begin the process of bearing (the Greek here indicates bringing into existence, forming, becoming, developing) children. For me, this process began years ago when I was a single woman who thought I may never get married and have kids. God was sanctifying me back then through my fear of never bearing children. One older single friend gave testimony to me of the great spiritual struggle she had to say goodbye to the children she would never bear. God rooted out much fear and wrong thinking in her life through that struggle. During the mother’s day sermon in question, the pastor made the point that single and infertile women shouldn’t feel excluded from I Tim. 2:15, because God still uses the issue of childbearing in their lives for their sanctification. I have heard from many women who struggle because they are unable to bear children. They too give testimony that God has used the issue of childbearing to sanctify them much.
Once I did get married, we got pregnant easily, miscarried, and then had problems getting pregnant again. Again, well before I ever physically bore a child, God was using the bearing of children to reveal to me my fears and unbelief. Then finally I had my beautiful boys. They daily bring me great joy. And God uses them daily to reveal to me my great sin. Before I got married, I had no idea how selfish and self-oriented I was. In marriage, I began to see it a little bit. But now, I am bombarded 100 times a day with the need to die to myself. I had NO IDEA I was so alive to myself in the first place. I’m also becoming increasingly aware of how little I trust God. It’s one thing to trust Him with my own safety. Another thing to trust Him with my grown husband. But to trust Him with my vulnerable, little boys?! God once again is rooting out my wrong views of His character and replacing them with the truth of His trustworthiness from His Word.
So, yes, I am being saved—redeemed from sin and conformed to His image—through the bearing, development, and formation of these boys. I realize that for the rest of my life, I will be the mother of these 2 boys. And for the rest of my life, God will use them to test my faith and reveal my wrong thinking, lack of trust, pride, and selfishness. This is my marathon, which is why Paul warned of the need for perseverance in I Timothy 2. God will use them to root out sin, but then He’ll replace it with the righteousness of Christ as He conforms me to His image. To the praise of His glorious grace.
2 Corinthians 3:18 And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.
Want to read more? Click here.
Friday, December 2, 2011
If this song...
...doesn't make you get up and dance, nothing will.
Plus, it features 2/3 of dc talk.
It's a win win.
Roaring Like a Lion
Plus, it features 2/3 of dc talk.
It's a win win.
Roaring Like a Lion
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Today...
...I showed up to a hospital-wide mandatory Error Prevention course 12 hours early.
No, no, the irony of the last sentence is not dead on me. However, I did cry before I laughed...and then I cried again.
No, no, the irony of the last sentence is not dead on me. However, I did cry before I laughed...and then I cried again.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Ambition
I love Saturday mornings at home. I enjoyed this sermon and charge this morning.
Paul's holy ambition is defined in Romans 15:20 and 22 "It has always been my ambition to preach the gospel where Christ was not known...this is why I have often been hindered from coming to you."
Ambition, or a good control that holds and guides you, not always where you want and possibly keeps you from where you want, is holy when motives are holy. Paul's holy desire to reach the unreached kept him from where he wanted to go.
We find holy ambition from a personal encounter from the Living Christ shaken by the Active Word of God. When a text grips and hold you, you gain holy ambition.
I most definitely identified with his example of the natural progression of a young girl. One who plays with dolls, then develops love and ability to care for real children, babysitting, and further into a passion to care for hurting, stressed children (my "job") and abandoned babies (my missions adventures.) I truly consider it a God-led and -given gift that Nate and I were not in situations/made choices that delayed adulthood.
Piper goes on to unpuzzle a common "this or that" in Christian/Missions circles. I know it's a dichotomy that often trips me up.
You will always be given an ambition according to the world's needs. He will never let you waste your life if you seek His holy ambition for you. The greatest problem in the world is human lossness, which is resolved by hearing the gospel.
Now, here is the choice that trips up so many: Do I go and win people for Christ (evangelize) or do I care for those suffering social injustice, whether here or there? Guess what? There is no distinction. By doing one, you do the other.
Just love.
Paul's holy ambition is defined in Romans 15:20 and 22 "It has always been my ambition to preach the gospel where Christ was not known...this is why I have often been hindered from coming to you."
Ambition, or a good control that holds and guides you, not always where you want and possibly keeps you from where you want, is holy when motives are holy. Paul's holy desire to reach the unreached kept him from where he wanted to go.
We find holy ambition from a personal encounter from the Living Christ shaken by the Active Word of God. When a text grips and hold you, you gain holy ambition.
I most definitely identified with his example of the natural progression of a young girl. One who plays with dolls, then develops love and ability to care for real children, babysitting, and further into a passion to care for hurting, stressed children (my "job") and abandoned babies (my missions adventures.) I truly consider it a God-led and -given gift that Nate and I were not in situations/made choices that delayed adulthood.
Piper goes on to unpuzzle a common "this or that" in Christian/Missions circles. I know it's a dichotomy that often trips me up.
You will always be given an ambition according to the world's needs. He will never let you waste your life if you seek His holy ambition for you. The greatest problem in the world is human lossness, which is resolved by hearing the gospel.
Now, here is the choice that trips up so many: Do I go and win people for Christ (evangelize) or do I care for those suffering social injustice, whether here or there? Guess what? There is no distinction. By doing one, you do the other.
Just love.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Orphan Sunday
Today is the national movement of Christian Alliance for Orphans to give the fatherless a voice.
Then you could:
1. Pray for them
2. Speak up for them
3. Provide for their needs
4. Support those who support them
5. Protect them from harm
6. Visit them where they are
7. Give sacrifically to them
8. Encourage them to press on
9. Adopt them into your family
10. Mobilize your church for them
And don't forget to check out the live webcast of global worship and prayer tonight at 7 eastern time.
Check out these resources for more ideas or information:
adoptuskids.org
rainbowkids.com
helporhpahs.org
nationalcasa.org
worldorphans.org
shoesfororphansouls.org
visiontrust.org
hopefororphans.org
showhope.org
hopefosterhome.com
Defend the cause of the fatherless... Isaiah 1:17
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Grace
This blog post could not have showed up in my inbox at a more perfect time.
I pray the Lord continues to control my desires as I focus on His desires for me. Self-esteem improvement is not a result of me doing something to better myself (see the problem there?). My self-esteem will be strong when I focus on my sustaining and strengthening God. By taking my focus off myself, I won't be concerned with the things of the myself. When His truths are my focus, my junk won't even be in the picture. And honestly, that sound wonderful!
It is no coincidence that over the last several weeks, as I began to refocus my time (getting up earlier) and soaking in the Word, I also began to struggle, heal, and feel this amazing sense of peace in every aspect of my life. I truly do have a joy over waiting and struggling, by the grace of God.
To God by the glory.
I pray the Lord continues to control my desires as I focus on His desires for me. Self-esteem improvement is not a result of me doing something to better myself (see the problem there?). My self-esteem will be strong when I focus on my sustaining and strengthening God. By taking my focus off myself, I won't be concerned with the things of the myself. When His truths are my focus, my junk won't even be in the picture. And honestly, that sound wonderful!
It is no coincidence that over the last several weeks, as I began to refocus my time (getting up earlier) and soaking in the Word, I also began to struggle, heal, and feel this amazing sense of peace in every aspect of my life. I truly do have a joy over waiting and struggling, by the grace of God.
To God by the glory.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Limbo
I made the mistake of checking the Show Hope website for 2012 trips. I want to go back so badly. I feel like we are in the strange limbo phase where it's impossible to plan much right now, which is fine because God's plans are so much better than what my finite mind can determine.
However, with a trip comes a lot of planning. I don't even feel like I can apply because who knows what next August/September will bring. The things we are waiting for the Lord to bring about could happen quickly or slowly...there is no way of knowing. It probably isn't the wisest thing to throw one more thing into the mix, but my goodness, I love a good China adventure!
Here's to waiting on the Lord!
However, with a trip comes a lot of planning. I don't even feel like I can apply because who knows what next August/September will bring. The things we are waiting for the Lord to bring about could happen quickly or slowly...there is no way of knowing. It probably isn't the wisest thing to throw one more thing into the mix, but my goodness, I love a good China adventure!
Here's to waiting on the Lord!
Sunday, October 30, 2011
My Mother
I can not imagine my life without my mother. I know the importance of discipleship and mentoring in one's life, but for that mentor to also be my mother is priceless. Her wisdom is unmatched. Her willingness to listen, to share and to pray is humbling. I can confidently bare my heart, joys, and struggles with her because I know I will find safety, love, validation, and have I mentioned wisdom?!
Oh, yes, so blessed.
Oh, yes, so blessed.
Friday, October 28, 2011
War
There is a battle within me. A battle I did not ask for or consciously engage in. The battle is over me, over my mind. One side tells me I am nothing, useless, insecure, unlovable, ugly, stupid, and I believe him so blindly. The other tells me I am worthy, an heir, loved beyond measure, and worth fighting for. The latter is harder to believe.
God has been turning over sin that has been hidden deep within my mind. On one hand, I am joyful as I know this can only occur as God invades the areas of my mind that had been dedicated to such sin. On the other hand, I was almost paralyzed as a sin buried so deep was brought to the forefront this morning. Paralyzed in the sense that I don't feel I can emotionally handle the spiritual growth occurring.
All I could do was fall to my knees, Kleenex in hand, and revoke the enemy. I prayed to my Almighty Savior to heal and to teach me how to recover.
I'm not sure I can do it alone. I am sure I don't have to. God will not give me more then I can handle.
God has been turning over sin that has been hidden deep within my mind. On one hand, I am joyful as I know this can only occur as God invades the areas of my mind that had been dedicated to such sin. On the other hand, I was almost paralyzed as a sin buried so deep was brought to the forefront this morning. Paralyzed in the sense that I don't feel I can emotionally handle the spiritual growth occurring.
All I could do was fall to my knees, Kleenex in hand, and revoke the enemy. I prayed to my Almighty Savior to heal and to teach me how to recover.
I'm not sure I can do it alone. I am sure I don't have to. God will not give me more then I can handle.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Giving Opportunity
I received this email from a friend at Show Hope:
I wanted to share with you all a need at Maria’s. There are a lot of little toddlers who love cruising around in these walkers. We helped buy 3 new rides when we went in September and they loved them. If you would like to raise money to buy 1 or 2 of these they can buy them in China for $60 each. So perhaps you could ask the kids at church to bring change or maybe a class you are a part of could take up a collection. It doesn’t matter how you do it really. If you’d like to participate just let me know. We’ll collect the money (checks can be made out to Show Hope) and then let Mariah know how much money she has to buy more walkers!! How about if we say let’s try to have the money by Dec 1st so they can get their new rides for Christmas!
No pressure at all. If you’d like to help out that’s great!!
Thanks!!
Director of Finance
Show Hope
PO Box 647
Franklin, TN 37065
Why I love vacation
For a thinker like me, I always look forward to vacation for a little extra processing/quiet time. One of my favorite parts of the week was waking up to a quiet condo (those Flakers sure like their sleep!), making coffee, grabbing my Bible, journal and computer (for sermons/articles) and resting with my Lord. Through these quiet times and conversations with my best friend last week, I felt knocked over the head with God's goodness, faithfulness, provision, and timing. I just feel like there has been so much going on lately, and I am beyond humbled at how God is leading and protecting us. I really am excited to see what our future holds.
As much as I would love to lay on the beach everyday, I was ready to come home and continue living, loving, and trusting.
As much as I would love to lay on the beach everyday, I was ready to come home and continue living, loving, and trusting.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Almost there...
Next week is going to be awesome because I will have:
1. Quality time with my best friend
2. Peace and relaxation (the kind that only comes from the ocean)
3. A chance for some extra sleep
4. A break from obsessing over having a super clean house
5. A break from cooking, laundry, and cleaning
6. A mental break from my emotionally draining career
7. Time to reflect, read and think
8. A chance to beat my best friend in mini-golf
9. Quality time with extended family
10. VACATION!
1. Quality time with my best friend
2. Peace and relaxation (the kind that only comes from the ocean)
3. A chance for some extra sleep
4. A break from obsessing over having a super clean house
5. A break from cooking, laundry, and cleaning
6. A mental break from my emotionally draining career
7. Time to reflect, read and think
8. A chance to beat my best friend in mini-golf
9. Quality time with extended family
10. VACATION!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Psalm 127
Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stand guard in vain.
In vain, you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat-
for he grants sleep to those he loves.
Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth.
Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame when they content with their enemies in the gate.
Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stand guard in vain.
In vain, you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat-
for he grants sleep to those he loves.
Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth.
Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame when they content with their enemies in the gate.
Friday, September 23, 2011
This or That or Both
Sometimes I think we are ready to start our family. The thought that inevitably follows is "...what about China?!" I want to go back, and I'd love to go back soon...I just truly don't know when that would be. It's getting to the point where I don't want to wait fill-in-the-blank number of years to start our family. I'm content with life. The longer we've been married, the longer I've been in the workplace, the more times I've traveled overseas, the more I'm realizing we don't have a "traditional" timeline. The last 4 years have been amazing, God-led with fruitful growth.
I just don't want to mess up...I don't want to be an "old" mom...I don't want to miss the hidden treasures in Luoyang...
What I do know is that I want to bring glory to my God, be a constant, supportive, strong, and respectful wife, and live for others.
I know I don't have to figure it all out tonight. I just wish I knew what I wanted...for a girl who "has it all together," rarely do I feel like it...
I just don't want to mess up...I don't want to be an "old" mom...I don't want to miss the hidden treasures in Luoyang...
What I do know is that I want to bring glory to my God, be a constant, supportive, strong, and respectful wife, and live for others.
I know I don't have to figure it all out tonight. I just wish I knew what I wanted...for a girl who "has it all together," rarely do I feel like it...
Monday, September 19, 2011
Own
No, not Oprah's network.
Sin. Owning sin. It's not a new concept, but a difficult one if you ask me. Admitting "a struggle" as sin is a step in the right direction. But taking it a step further, naming it, and owning it is where I've found myself today. By giving a name to a sin that has consumed me, I can repent, instead of justify, ignore, or hide. It's only a step in healing and clinging to freedom instead of swimming in the pit, but it's an important step.
Sin. Owning sin. It's not a new concept, but a difficult one if you ask me. Admitting "a struggle" as sin is a step in the right direction. But taking it a step further, naming it, and owning it is where I've found myself today. By giving a name to a sin that has consumed me, I can repent, instead of justify, ignore, or hide. It's only a step in healing and clinging to freedom instead of swimming in the pit, but it's an important step.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Happy Heart
I am currently reading House of Hope (Buy it!! Please :) which tell the story of how Rob and Joyce Hill came to run their own foster home in rural Beijing, China. It makes my heart happy. My goodness, I love that place. I am also in awe of such faith. I reminded of God's timing and plan. At 25 years old, I don't have a clue how God might use me or Nate or our family or our future for His glory and Kingdom. Rob left his steady job and salary after 20 years!
All I have to be is willing.
All I have to be is willing.
Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.
Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect, and use every power as Thou shalt choose.
Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.
Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.
Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect, and use every power as Thou shalt choose.
Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
I wish...
...I was the type of person who lost her appetite when stressed instead of eating everything in sight. My hips would be so much better off.
That is all.
That is all.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Who is the Wife of a Noble Character?
We all know Proverbs 31 describes the "ideal wife." But, what does that really mean? I decided to break down verses 10 through 31 in my own words, have a little fun, be inspired, and then aspire to the wisdom found in the passage.
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Pay attention to what I'm about to say here, this woman is of value.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She is trustworthy and dependable.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
Everyday? Yes, everyday! Even when tired, stressed and overwhelmed, she still is thinking of her husband.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is enthusiastic in providing for her family.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
Takeout is okay!! (Reference from B. Moore :)
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
Providing for her family is hard work that requires discipline and may mean sacrificing comfort, sleep, and your own needs. She is thoughtful to provide for those outside of her family, as well.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She makes her own money...hmmm...interesting.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks
Again, discipline is needed here; she is hardworking and focused.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
She prepares and plans.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She holds tightly to her tasks, literally and figuratively.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
She gives, loves, and serves.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She prepares and plans.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
She takes pride in her appearance.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She needs to be ready to offer her husband the respect, support, and encouragement he needs.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
Uses her gifts to financially provide for her family.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She does not worry.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She is thoughtful, clear and teaches others.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
She stays busy.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
She is respected and admired.
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
She rests in the Lord and is content in His call in her life.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Instruction to her husband: Honor her in public as you do in private and in front of your children.
Lord, I praise you for the call You've given me to be a wife. It is the most wonderful gift. Mold me into a noble wife. Allow my husband's needs, and the needs of my family, to come before my own. Give my the strength to stay busy, the wisdom to speak clearly and the vision to plan and provide. Teach me to rest in You and not worry. Amen.
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Pay attention to what I'm about to say here, this woman is of value.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She is trustworthy and dependable.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
Everyday? Yes, everyday! Even when tired, stressed and overwhelmed, she still is thinking of her husband.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is enthusiastic in providing for her family.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
Takeout is okay!! (Reference from B. Moore :)
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
Providing for her family is hard work that requires discipline and may mean sacrificing comfort, sleep, and your own needs. She is thoughtful to provide for those outside of her family, as well.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She makes her own money...hmmm...interesting.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks
Again, discipline is needed here; she is hardworking and focused.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
She prepares and plans.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She holds tightly to her tasks, literally and figuratively.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
She gives, loves, and serves.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She prepares and plans.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
She takes pride in her appearance.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She needs to be ready to offer her husband the respect, support, and encouragement he needs.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
Uses her gifts to financially provide for her family.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She does not worry.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She is thoughtful, clear and teaches others.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
She stays busy.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
She is respected and admired.
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
She rests in the Lord and is content in His call in her life.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Instruction to her husband: Honor her in public as you do in private and in front of your children.
Lord, I praise you for the call You've given me to be a wife. It is the most wonderful gift. Mold me into a noble wife. Allow my husband's needs, and the needs of my family, to come before my own. Give my the strength to stay busy, the wisdom to speak clearly and the vision to plan and provide. Teach me to rest in You and not worry. Amen.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Longing for PRN
I hate being "part-time"...because I love to travel. In October, we are hitting up Myrtle Beach with Mom and Dad Flaker. In June, it's Hilton Head with the Montgomery/Flaker/Millers and Nate and I want to celebrate our next anniversary with a trip just the 2 of us.
Which means a near 0% chance to love on some babies in Luoyang.
Which means a near 0% chance to love on some babies in Luoyang.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Friends
So thrilled for this weekend and these reunions! It's been too long since I've had fellowship with some of my most treasured relationships. I wouldn't trade my life for the world...but sometimes I do miss the good ol' days!!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Lord, PREPARE me, to be a sanctuary
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has PREPARED for those who love him"
1 Corinthians 2:9
It only took 4 years for my mom and I to have girls weekend just the 2 of us! It was a blast-shopping, eating and talking. However, the highlights were worshiping, learning, crying and laughing together while being encouraged by the oh-so-wise Beth Moore. Those 2 days were such a gift.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Memories
The next three weekends are filled with fun plans.
1. Tomorrow, Mom and I are heading to Columbus for some girl time topped off with some Jesus time at the Beth Moor conference (...and, yes, shopping, too!) Besides the wedding, this is the highlight of the summer!
2. The following weekend, I am heading back to Columbus to visit friends from college. I am really looking forward to catching up with women who shaped so much of my spiritual growth during that season of life.
3. Then, the month is wrapped up with a celebration of FOUR years sharing life with my best friend. God is good, marriage is good, and my husband is a gift!
1. Tomorrow, Mom and I are heading to Columbus for some girl time topped off with some Jesus time at the Beth Moor conference (...and, yes, shopping, too!) Besides the wedding, this is the highlight of the summer!
2. The following weekend, I am heading back to Columbus to visit friends from college. I am really looking forward to catching up with women who shaped so much of my spiritual growth during that season of life.
3. Then, the month is wrapped up with a celebration of FOUR years sharing life with my best friend. God is good, marriage is good, and my husband is a gift!
Monday, August 1, 2011
Prayer
I get really excited yet really cautious when God brings a certain lesson to my attention through different avenues in a short amount of time.
I recently read "Heaven is for Real." A topic and story I would typically be skeptical of. But, I wasn't. As this father tells of his child's time in heaven during a life and death surgery, my mouth often dropped at his reports of what Heaven is like. However, more than the details he shared, other aspects of the book hit me, like the importance of childlike faith and specific prayer. The book describes one day when Colton's mom called out for her family to look outside at a rainbow near their home. Colton looked and simply responded, I prayed for a rainbow yesterday.
On Sunday, I really enjoyed hearing P.J. Neiger share about his family's call in south Asia sharing the Word of God. One of his requests was for specific prayer for a people group they are serving.
Now, there are many lessons the two examples above can provide, like not being surprised when God' answers prayer or praying for a specific people group to know the gospel, and they are good and true. But, I've also been challenged by specific prayer and how to go about it.
I have always been a bit hesitant to pray specifically. Not that I never have. I "present my requests to God..." however, I hesitate to pray too specifically. I believe God holds the future in that He knows the future. He knows what is going to happen, and I want nothing more than to submit to His timing, plan and will. So, I feel almost like I'm betraying His ways, so to speak, if I pray specifically. I would never want to pray for something that is against His will.
I know I am His child and He wants to hear my desires, thoughts and hopes. I love Psalm 20:4 - "May He give you the desires of your heart..."
Another things that trips me up about specific prayer is how it can seem like you're testing God. I want this, at this time, in this way...well, life is NOT going to turn out exactly as we pray...and I don't really want it to! I love resting and knowing God's plans are so much better than mine. No, I'm not always patient "waiting" on God's timing, but knowing how great He is, makes it a bit easier.
I guess I'm just contemplating the balance here.
I recently read "Heaven is for Real." A topic and story I would typically be skeptical of. But, I wasn't. As this father tells of his child's time in heaven during a life and death surgery, my mouth often dropped at his reports of what Heaven is like. However, more than the details he shared, other aspects of the book hit me, like the importance of childlike faith and specific prayer. The book describes one day when Colton's mom called out for her family to look outside at a rainbow near their home. Colton looked and simply responded, I prayed for a rainbow yesterday.
On Sunday, I really enjoyed hearing P.J. Neiger share about his family's call in south Asia sharing the Word of God. One of his requests was for specific prayer for a people group they are serving.
Now, there are many lessons the two examples above can provide, like not being surprised when God' answers prayer or praying for a specific people group to know the gospel, and they are good and true. But, I've also been challenged by specific prayer and how to go about it.
I have always been a bit hesitant to pray specifically. Not that I never have. I "present my requests to God..." however, I hesitate to pray too specifically. I believe God holds the future in that He knows the future. He knows what is going to happen, and I want nothing more than to submit to His timing, plan and will. So, I feel almost like I'm betraying His ways, so to speak, if I pray specifically. I would never want to pray for something that is against His will.
I know I am His child and He wants to hear my desires, thoughts and hopes. I love Psalm 20:4 - "May He give you the desires of your heart..."
Another things that trips me up about specific prayer is how it can seem like you're testing God. I want this, at this time, in this way...well, life is NOT going to turn out exactly as we pray...and I don't really want it to! I love resting and knowing God's plans are so much better than mine. No, I'm not always patient "waiting" on God's timing, but knowing how great He is, makes it a bit easier.
I guess I'm just contemplating the balance here.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Saturday
It's Saturday, and my husband is at work. He needs a secretary or intern or something, but that's another story. Anyway, here is a list of things I've been doing waiting for my love so we can start our weekend together:
1. Watched Project Runway
2. Spent time in the Word, journaling, reading blogs
3. Started some laundry, cleaned, etc.
4. Watched our wedding video
5. Painted my nails
6. Ate lunch
7. Drank 2 cups of coffee
8. Refused to work out...well, maybe I'll do some abs...
9. Searched lots
10. Watched the food network
11. Checked out a weekend to remember
12. Searched cruises, vacations, getaways...that I will never take
and he's still not home! Guess I really will have to do that ab workout...
1. Watched Project Runway
2. Spent time in the Word, journaling, reading blogs
3. Started some laundry, cleaned, etc.
4. Watched our wedding video
5. Painted my nails
6. Ate lunch
7. Drank 2 cups of coffee
8. Refused to work out...well, maybe I'll do some abs...
9. Searched lots
10. Watched the food network
11. Checked out a weekend to remember
12. Searched cruises, vacations, getaways...that I will never take
and he's still not home! Guess I really will have to do that ab workout...
Thursday, July 28, 2011
What do you need to hear?
Driving to work today. Song below began to play. And out of no where, crocodile-size tears start rolling down my cheeks. I did my best to blindly search my purse for a Kleenex because, of course, I put on eye make-up this morning.
Apparently, I just really needed to hear this today.
we're all sinking...
Apparently, I just really needed to hear this today.
we're all sinking...
Monday, July 25, 2011
Nashville
Nate and I had a whirl-wind trip to Nashville on Saturday, attending the wedding of a dear friend who's become like a member of the family.
Show Hope is headquartered in Franklin, TN, and I knew I wouldn't have time to visit with dear China friends, but I desperately wanted to at least SEE where all the magic happens. After a short drive from Nashville, we stumbled upon The Factory. I just assumed I'd find a typical, empty-for-the-weekend office building. The parking lot was full, though, so we decided to walk around. Inside was an eclectic atmosphere of antiques, boutiques, businesses, and restaurants...and upstiars...we found it!!
I'm not sure why, but I had to blink back the tears as I approached the doors, knowing the prayers that have been uttered and the endless work being done here on behalf of the orphan. I quietly lifted up my own prayer for the staff and all who enter those doors.
I do wonder if and when God will call me back to China. I would love to share this place with people I love. Praying God opens the hearts of those He would open and guard mine as I wait to hear His voice in regards to traveling again. However, as GEMS approaches, I am reminded of the spiritual orphans I have been called to serve and I am so excited. Grateful God has allowed me to serve Him in this way.
Show Hope is headquartered in Franklin, TN, and I knew I wouldn't have time to visit with dear China friends, but I desperately wanted to at least SEE where all the magic happens. After a short drive from Nashville, we stumbled upon The Factory. I just assumed I'd find a typical, empty-for-the-weekend office building. The parking lot was full, though, so we decided to walk around. Inside was an eclectic atmosphere of antiques, boutiques, businesses, and restaurants...and upstiars...we found it!!
I'm not sure why, but I had to blink back the tears as I approached the doors, knowing the prayers that have been uttered and the endless work being done here on behalf of the orphan. I quietly lifted up my own prayer for the staff and all who enter those doors.
I do wonder if and when God will call me back to China. I would love to share this place with people I love. Praying God opens the hearts of those He would open and guard mine as I wait to hear His voice in regards to traveling again. However, as GEMS approaches, I am reminded of the spiritual orphans I have been called to serve and I am so excited. Grateful God has allowed me to serve Him in this way.
New things
I love grocery shopping! Cooking, eating, planning and eating. All favorites of mine!
Decided to try some new things today...
Portion control is a struggle and peanut butter (my favorite!) can be a slippery slope for me...Curious to try this. Even if I slip, it's not too high of a slope!
These seem like a perfect new staple to accompany my breakfast egg and spinach bake, or something balanced on-the-go.
Found a new Kashi snack!
Excited to try these "chips!"
And, after a week away from the kitchen thanks to VBS, I am very excited to make bacon wrapped shrimp and scallops for my husband tonight!
Decided to try some new things today...
Portion control is a struggle and peanut butter (my favorite!) can be a slippery slope for me...Curious to try this. Even if I slip, it's not too high of a slope!
These seem like a perfect new staple to accompany my breakfast egg and spinach bake, or something balanced on-the-go.
Found a new Kashi snack!
Excited to try these "chips!"
And, after a week away from the kitchen thanks to VBS, I am very excited to make bacon wrapped shrimp and scallops for my husband tonight!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Concrete Thinking
The sweetest and one of the quietest boys in my VBS class raised his hand when I asked for someone to say John 3:16 during a review game tonight. I secretly got really excited. He slowly responded, John 3:16...with a little confusion in his voice, like, that was a weird question for me to ask! My goodness, I love kids.
I am grateful for the gift of children. It is so fun to watch them absorb God's truths and begin to process His great grace and make it their own. Tonight, we talked gospel. Black. Red. White. Yellow. Green.
I can talk to kids so much easier than adults. I should treasure that gift, but I too often put myself down for my "Moses-like" communication skills otherwise.
I wish I could just be. Be confident in my gifts. Be confident in my body. Be confident in my words. Be confident in my relationships.
I wish I didn't spend so much time wishing...
My God is God of the Universe and here I obsess over a few pounds, a few bucks, a few minutes. He is in control and wants me to simply be the woman he created me in my mother's womb to be. I am His child. I CAN rest in that identity alone. I can trust God. With everything.
To God be the glory. Forever.
I am grateful for the gift of children. It is so fun to watch them absorb God's truths and begin to process His great grace and make it their own. Tonight, we talked gospel. Black. Red. White. Yellow. Green.
I can talk to kids so much easier than adults. I should treasure that gift, but I too often put myself down for my "Moses-like" communication skills otherwise.
I wish I could just be. Be confident in my gifts. Be confident in my body. Be confident in my words. Be confident in my relationships.
I wish I didn't spend so much time wishing...
My God is God of the Universe and here I obsess over a few pounds, a few bucks, a few minutes. He is in control and wants me to simply be the woman he created me in my mother's womb to be. I am His child. I CAN rest in that identity alone. I can trust God. With everything.
To God be the glory. Forever.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
A search for peace
When a newly married couple moves into their first home, they know it is a temporary one. Heck, that's why they call it a "starter home." (Now, theologically speaking, anytime spent on this earth is living in our temporary "home" but I am speaking of the small place you can kinda afford now before you buy a "real" house to make room for a family. Stay with me here.)
Nate and I chose a beautiful condo halfway between Cleveland and Akron in 2007 as our starter home. It was perfect, my white and blue family room, my walk-in closet, my fireplace, my vaulted ceilings, my laundry room. It was everything I wanted. But, it didn't take long for longing to set in. The "need" for a basement, a yard, a garden, an attached garage, 2 sinks in our bathroom and kitchen counter space soon became my focus (and Nate just couldn't see past that ultimate man cave).
Then, to make matters worse, the market tanked. Which also meant the already low resale value of condos tanked. Houses were so cheap, which made it hard not to look. So we did. Interest rates stayed low and years later, we still discussed the best way to be wise stewards of what we have.
Do we sell by owner and try to break even? Take a loss just to get out? Rent? We prayed and prayed and thought and discussed and thought some more. God seemed silent. I prayed for any selfish desires to be cast aside in our hope for a long-term home. Yes, my "wish" list above could fall under the category of selfish desires, but the top 2 reasons we wanted to move...drumroll, please....to be closer to Stow (where we spend summers at the ball fields and pool, where Nate's best friend/brother lives, and where my best friend/mom lives, and secondly, to begin planning a family of our own.
Now call me crazy, but I really didn't see how God could consider family a selfish motive.
We continued to pray.
Anytime we explored selling or renting, it just didn't feel right. It felt forced. It did not seem to be where God was leading us. We made phone calls, sought advice, but when we went to the Lord in prayer, He wasn't leading us down any of these paths. Again, my/our frustrations in my/our plans got the best of me. "Lord," I would say, "This is for my family, my future family...why aren't you letting me have this?"
Nate and I prayed together a few nights ago, and I felt at my wits end of trying to figure out what we are supposed to do. The next night, we had a great conversation and weighed options yet again. We looked at the past, how God had led us and how He maybe leading us in the same way now. We had been diligent with our finances to pay off Nate's student loans in 3 years. Since that time, we have built a small emergency savings fund. I love my little accountant husband. He can do tricks with a spreadsheet that I didn't even know were possible. We crunched some numbers and realized if we follow the plan we set forth when paying off student loans, in a year, we could have some major equity built up, let alone two more years. It's encouraging to be actively working toward a goal and not just waiting for something to happen.
I woke up the next morning feeling peace.
Oh, glorious peace! I had longed for that feeling and reassurance from my mighty, omniscience, promise-keeping God.
We know this home is wonderful, and there are days I really can't imagine living anywhere else. (I've been known to say if I can pick up this place and drop it in Stow, I'd be cool.) We will cope with our "summer commute" and know this season of life is sweet and won't last forever.
With this waiting for a home probably does come waiting for a family. And it's good. My childhood dream of being a "young mom" was not what God had for me. I know the more diligent and wise choices we make now and the longer I work, with the Lord's provision, my other dream of being a stay at home mom is on it's way to coming true :)
So, that's that. Peace. God is good.
I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God. Bend down and listen as I pray. Psalm 17:6
Nate and I chose a beautiful condo halfway between Cleveland and Akron in 2007 as our starter home. It was perfect, my white and blue family room, my walk-in closet, my fireplace, my vaulted ceilings, my laundry room. It was everything I wanted. But, it didn't take long for longing to set in. The "need" for a basement, a yard, a garden, an attached garage, 2 sinks in our bathroom and kitchen counter space soon became my focus (and Nate just couldn't see past that ultimate man cave).
Then, to make matters worse, the market tanked. Which also meant the already low resale value of condos tanked. Houses were so cheap, which made it hard not to look. So we did. Interest rates stayed low and years later, we still discussed the best way to be wise stewards of what we have.
Do we sell by owner and try to break even? Take a loss just to get out? Rent? We prayed and prayed and thought and discussed and thought some more. God seemed silent. I prayed for any selfish desires to be cast aside in our hope for a long-term home. Yes, my "wish" list above could fall under the category of selfish desires, but the top 2 reasons we wanted to move...drumroll, please....to be closer to Stow (where we spend summers at the ball fields and pool, where Nate's best friend/brother lives, and where my best friend/mom lives, and secondly, to begin planning a family of our own.
Now call me crazy, but I really didn't see how God could consider family a selfish motive.
We continued to pray.
Anytime we explored selling or renting, it just didn't feel right. It felt forced. It did not seem to be where God was leading us. We made phone calls, sought advice, but when we went to the Lord in prayer, He wasn't leading us down any of these paths. Again, my/our frustrations in my/our plans got the best of me. "Lord," I would say, "This is for my family, my future family...why aren't you letting me have this?"
Nate and I prayed together a few nights ago, and I felt at my wits end of trying to figure out what we are supposed to do. The next night, we had a great conversation and weighed options yet again. We looked at the past, how God had led us and how He maybe leading us in the same way now. We had been diligent with our finances to pay off Nate's student loans in 3 years. Since that time, we have built a small emergency savings fund. I love my little accountant husband. He can do tricks with a spreadsheet that I didn't even know were possible. We crunched some numbers and realized if we follow the plan we set forth when paying off student loans, in a year, we could have some major equity built up, let alone two more years. It's encouraging to be actively working toward a goal and not just waiting for something to happen.
I woke up the next morning feeling peace.
Oh, glorious peace! I had longed for that feeling and reassurance from my mighty, omniscience, promise-keeping God.
We know this home is wonderful, and there are days I really can't imagine living anywhere else. (I've been known to say if I can pick up this place and drop it in Stow, I'd be cool.) We will cope with our "summer commute" and know this season of life is sweet and won't last forever.
With this waiting for a home probably does come waiting for a family. And it's good. My childhood dream of being a "young mom" was not what God had for me. I know the more diligent and wise choices we make now and the longer I work, with the Lord's provision, my other dream of being a stay at home mom is on it's way to coming true :)
So, that's that. Peace. God is good.
I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God. Bend down and listen as I pray. Psalm 17:6
Monday, July 11, 2011
Freedom
For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2 Corinthians 3:17
Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don’t let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin. Psalm 19:13
For I cried out to him for help, praising him as I spoke. Psalm 66:17Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature. Romans 13: 14
He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes." Psalm 112:7-8
Monday, May 23, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Discipline
The Lord has quietly laid intentional scripture memorization on my heart for some time. I have quietly ignored it. I didn't have time or didn't know where to start or how to go about it.
One day, this book caught my eye on DG, so I downloaded myself a copy. And, it sat on my desktop.
My story of discipline picks up on the other side of the world.
During my quiet time in the early morning on a recent trip to China, the Lord was telling me to store up His words. I am so grateful for being stuck in traffic for 2 hours in Beijing one day so this could be confirmed by a dear friend and a dear conversation.
However, more than that conversation, it was confirmed simply by my proximity to persecution for 5 short days in April. Maria's Big House of Hope is neighbors with a prison. Apparently, there are many Christians in Luoyang and many underground churches. We were told there have been several arrests of pastors in the area and they were...right next door.
This may sound naive, but I had never felt "so close" to active persecution, to evil. My brothers and sisters are losing everything for their faith. They had stored up God's words because they knew they wouldn't always have their Bible with them.
Needless to say, God is teaching me this discipline. I have started memorizing Ephesians using the book, "An Approach to Extended Memorization of Scripture" By A. Davis as a guide. It's really overwhelming, but even after a few days, I notice a change in focus. When my mind wonders during the day, it wonders to Ephesians.
I am grateful for a Father who pursues me with what I need.
One day, this book caught my eye on DG, so I downloaded myself a copy. And, it sat on my desktop.
My story of discipline picks up on the other side of the world.
During my quiet time in the early morning on a recent trip to China, the Lord was telling me to store up His words. I am so grateful for being stuck in traffic for 2 hours in Beijing one day so this could be confirmed by a dear friend and a dear conversation.
However, more than that conversation, it was confirmed simply by my proximity to persecution for 5 short days in April. Maria's Big House of Hope is neighbors with a prison. Apparently, there are many Christians in Luoyang and many underground churches. We were told there have been several arrests of pastors in the area and they were...right next door.
This may sound naive, but I had never felt "so close" to active persecution, to evil. My brothers and sisters are losing everything for their faith. They had stored up God's words because they knew they wouldn't always have their Bible with them.
Needless to say, God is teaching me this discipline. I have started memorizing Ephesians using the book, "An Approach to Extended Memorization of Scripture" By A. Davis as a guide. It's really overwhelming, but even after a few days, I notice a change in focus. When my mind wonders during the day, it wonders to Ephesians.
I am grateful for a Father who pursues me with what I need.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Stress stinks.
I lift my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-2
Psalm 121:1-2
Sunday, March 27, 2011
What the heck...
I'm try to analyze why my biological clock is ticking so loudly these days.
I feel like I turned 40 when I turned 25.
I feel like I turned 40 when I turned 25.
The Orphans I've Been Ignoring
One of the biggest struggles in my life lately has been our Wednesday night ministry at church. Every week 25 school-age girls come to Goss and only a small handful are "churched." Although there are encouraging and fun times, most nights I leave discouraged, frustrated and feeling like "what's the point?"
Throughout the year, of course, I pray for the ministry and the girls, but I think I do so with the expectation that nothing will really change. Oh how small my faith can be.
Last week as I was sitting around the table with a small group of girls, I was overcome with a sense of love and hope for their salvation. I want these girls to go to heaven. I want them to get it!
Over the next 12 hours or so, I had an eye-opening realization: these girls are orphans. Some are arguably orphans because they have sucky home lives, but most of them are the epitome of a spiritual orphan. If I say I am passionate about orphan care but don't give this ministry all of me, then there is a disconnect and a problem.
The answer? Prayer. I need to be on my knees for these girls, their lives, their struggles, and their future.
It's not always easy or fun, but it's not about me. It's about my Almighty Savior and where He has me to serve Him.
My hope, the same hope I hold for my loves in China, is that God may hear my quiet prayers and turn them into more than I could every imagine.
Throughout the year, of course, I pray for the ministry and the girls, but I think I do so with the expectation that nothing will really change. Oh how small my faith can be.
Last week as I was sitting around the table with a small group of girls, I was overcome with a sense of love and hope for their salvation. I want these girls to go to heaven. I want them to get it!
Over the next 12 hours or so, I had an eye-opening realization: these girls are orphans. Some are arguably orphans because they have sucky home lives, but most of them are the epitome of a spiritual orphan. If I say I am passionate about orphan care but don't give this ministry all of me, then there is a disconnect and a problem.
The answer? Prayer. I need to be on my knees for these girls, their lives, their struggles, and their future.
It's not always easy or fun, but it's not about me. It's about my Almighty Savior and where He has me to serve Him.
My hope, the same hope I hold for my loves in China, is that God may hear my quiet prayers and turn them into more than I could every imagine.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Treasured, Sacred... Me?
Below are the lyrics to Mercy Me's Beautiful, which I heard on the way to work one day this week. I heard it the morning after a rough night, mentally. Satan knows where to attack...my mind...and he does. A cried, literally, and cried out a praise of thanksgiving to my God who truly holds my heart.
I also realized how sneaky the Enemy had been that night. My dear husband was battling some of life's frustrations. We kinda rested in knowing we were sharing the same emotions (about different things) but it wasn't long before yours truly let hers get between the two of us. No, to the Enemy, there is no room for you in this marriage!
I am so blessed.
The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
I'm praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
I also realized how sneaky the Enemy had been that night. My dear husband was battling some of life's frustrations. We kinda rested in knowing we were sharing the same emotions (about different things) but it wasn't long before yours truly let hers get between the two of us. No, to the Enemy, there is no room for you in this marriage!
I am so blessed.
The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
I'm praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Here's to Waiting
I'm feeling torn about China. Maybe I'm just trying to guard myself from disappointment. Praying for clarity and wisdom...I know His plans will be clear and play out perfectly. Here's to waiting!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)