I don't know if this is good or bad.

Curious what that means?  You can read more here, but I will quote part. 

"God is giving me gifts constantly and I miss them all the time because I don’t even know what I’m looking for. Grace will come to you today and you probably won’t even see it coming. Just sit back and enjoy the ride when it comes. God is the giver of all good gifts. He gives to his beloved in his sleep. Psalm 127:1."

It's been an "I don't know if this is good or bad" week.  I had the flu Wednesday, Nate had it Thursday and had to take 2 tests, Nora has struggled with hours of awake time at night, last night we transitioned to the crib, Nate has a class all day today.  

I don't know if it is good or bad.

All I know is the comfort I find in Your Living Word, on my knees, and in my quiet 'thank yous.'

Psalm 37:23 The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.(emphasis mine)

I've also found comfort in this.

Rejoice

Nora and I often sing "this is the day, this is the day that the Lord has made..."

I recently changed the words to refocus my heart when the sun goes down.

This is the night, this is the night
that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made
I will rejoice, I will rejoice
and be glad in it and be glad in it!

Memory Verse #24

Give attention to the sound of my cry, my King and my God, for to you do I pray. Psalm 5:2 ESV

Memory Verse #23

He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.  Psalm 62:2

My ability to function daily rests in the truth of this verse.  Regardless of circumstance, there are moments that threaten to shake us to the core.  I love knowing I don't have to shake and tremble.  I would be lying, though, if I said I always remembered this.  I desire to be continually resting in His fortress.

Prayer

I have never really studied or treasured the Lord's Prayer.  However, there have been times in the recent weeks where I have longed to pray but my mind proved foggy and I couldn't seem to find the words.  The Lord's Prayer found my lips.  I am so thankful for a Christian upbringing.  These words have been buried in my heart when I didn't even realize I needed them.

Memory Verses #21 and #22

No eye has seen. No ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those that love Him. I Corinthians 2:9

I am counting on the LORD; yes, I am counting on Him. I have put my hope in His Word.

 Psalm 130:5

I have decided to work ahead and share both November verses.  These verses have been on my fridge for months, written on crumpled paper to get me through a time of worry.  Crumpled because I carried them in my pocket and referenced them on a particularly difficult day in back in mid-May.

Comfort.

Truth.

Love.

Memory Verses #19 & #20

I had a list of 21 verses with me during the labor and delivery of my sweet Nora Grace.  I keep that list close to me now that we are home, too.  It is tucked into my journal and I look at if often.  These two verses are dear to my heart.  

#19 I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now, I give him to the Lord. 1 Sam. 1:27-28a

I had heard 1 Sam 1:27 often but only recently did I read on to verse 28.  The Lord blessed us with Nora.  She is a gift and an answer to prayers.  But, she is not ours.  She belongs to the Lord, and though there may be "pain in the offering," I want her in God's hands, not mine. 

#20 For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalm 100:5

The theme of generations/family tree spoke to me often during my pregnancy.  After losing my grandfathers, it became important to me that we carry on the legacy of the Godly men who have gone before us and raised families we are blessed to be a part of.  This verse hangs in Nora's room, and to me, sums up beautifully God's faithfulness in families. 

Memory Verse #18

For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace. Romans 6:14

This "grace", or "charis" (Greek), is meant to elicit a reaction.  I was at a conference yesterday and here are a few words or phrases that jumped out to me from the definition of charis:

-joy

-favor

-granted or desired

-absolutely free expression

-found in the bounty of the Giver

-new creature

This grace is not a New Testament phenomenon.  In the Old Testament, the word occurs as "favor."  God has manifested His grace through all time, and it's not hidden.

What does it mean to live under grace?  You may believe your salvation is by grace, and that is good, but it does not mean you automatically live under grace in every aspect of your life.  Here are a few things to help relocate your address from under the law to under grace:

1. Some things in our lives need to hear a loud "no longer." (Romans 6:6)

2. The power to live out a lasting "no longer" can't be found under the law.

3. It's time we no longer see our lives under any heading but "grace."

4. It's also time we quit trying to resuscitate the old dead us.  

5. Let's trade our "no longer worthy" for "I'm no longer the same."

6. We will see the face of Grace and need grace to bear the beauty.

Memory Verse #17

Praise the LORD, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— Psalm 103:1-2 NIV 

Guess what?  Pregnancy brain is a real thing.  Just ask my husband.  Oh my goodness.  

We joke about it, but for me, it's been frustrating and a little embarrassing to not function like I'm used to.  Within the last week or so, I feel like it's even been affecting my spiritual life.  I consider myself a thoughtful person, one who enjoys thinking about God and His Word.  For the life of me, I don't feel like I can thread a deep thought about God (or anything for that matter).  I'm in the Word, but truth be told, I'm really just reading words.  I'm not letting it speak to me as I should.  I'm not concentrating on it.  I recently finished reading through the New Testament and found myself longing for the prayers and praises found in Psalms, so that's where am I now in my daily reading.

Along with longing for a thought, I've found myself longing for praise and worship time.  Due to several circumstances, I haven't been able to sit through an entire church service in several weeks.  I've missed our worship time very much.  I know you don't have to attend corporate worship to praise God, but when that piece is missing, I do feel it.  Today, as we sang "I'm desperate for you...," I could not keep my hands down.  It felt so good to slow down and sit and think about God.  

That's my goal for the next few weeks.  It may or may not be realistic, but honestly, I can't think of any better way to prepare for the birth and homecoming of my little girl.

Building Complete

I can't stop looking at this picture.  Here is the completed Children's Welfare Institute in Luoyang, China, built just in front of Maria's (see the blue building in the distance?).  Here's what the building looked like in 2009:

And in 2011 (the playground is part of Maria's):

My stomach turned a little when I saw the finished building.  It looks very glorified, don't you think?  A woman much wiser than myself pointed out the "castle" structures (top picture, left) outside the new orphanage and how appropriate that truly is, as the children inside are His princes and princesses, whether they know it or not.  I pray His love and truth stretches beyond the blue walls and fills this new home.  I remember asking God what He is doing when I first visited this little corner of the world.  There is Maria's, a prison, a "homeless shelter" and there was the beginning of a new state-run orphanage.  You have the orphan, widow, poor and suffering all in one little area.  God I pray for mighty things to happen.  How will you use the staff and mission of Maria's to reach others?  You can make big things happen.  I ask and trust you will.

Will you pray with me?

Memory Verse #16

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right, persevering, and steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10 (Amplified)

Memory Verse #15

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Ps 19:14, NLT

I have been in prayer much over the past several months over my words and my heart.  Not because there is a specific issue but because I am human and a sinner and soon my words will fall on little ears.  The sin in my heart will be brought to the surface and take on new meaning, new guilt, new sorrow and new grace.  

Wisdom, please, my God, wisdom.  Thoughtfulness...Slow to speak...Wisdom.

Memory Verse #14

Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear. Isaiah 65:24, NIV

Middle of July.  Wow.  

This verse reveals so many of our Mighty Savior's attributes.  He is all-knowing.  He is interested in us.  He delights in providing for His children.  He is involved in our lives.  He is available.  He is personal.

Here is another version of the verse (NLT): I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!

Even before we ask, He knows.  Even before we ask, He answers.  Talk about dependable.  I often lean toward believing that it's easier to do things on my own because other people don't follow through or do what they say they will do.  This verse blows any doubt that God won't follow through out of the water.  Not only that, but He knows our needs and our heart's desire before we do!

He also hears when we speak.  How often do you tune someone out because you know, or you think you know, what they are going to say?  God doesn't.  He delights in hearing from us.  He hangs on our every word because He said He would.  What a humbling lesson, too, while reading familiar Bible passages.  By God's grace, we may know a passage well, at least well enough to know the order the words appear on the page.  Do we tune out any chance of the Spirit's leading?  Maybe.  If the Creator of the universe can listen to us when He knows what's coming, can't we read His word with the same respect?  

I'm challenged.  

Memory Verse #13

"Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:8 (b), NIV

A cry for wisdom.  While these words apply to any and all aspects my life, one in particular is ministry.  As my ministry focus shifts to my kitchen table, I am praying to find balance in all I "do."  I am ready to step away from some things but I don't want to step away from everything.  I know the next 6 months is not the rest of my life, but I still want to be very mindful of how I spend my time.  Praying!  

Sacred Parenting

I am sitting in a room that brings a smile to my face.  It has the bones of a baby's room.  As I rock in a chair I'm prepared to spend many nights soothing, cuddling and snoozing, I am looking back through a book that has encouraged my soul for what's to come.  Gary Thomas' Sacred Parenting spoke to my heart just as his Sacred Marriage did 6(!) years ago.  I'd like to share a few, or more, quotes that encouraged, challenged or strengthened my heart.  I filled several pages in my journal with quotes from the book.  I will try not to fill this post with as many.

-"In what we stress with our children, we reveal the true passion of our own hearts."
-"If they never sin but are only 'sick;' if they never 'fail' but just get 'cheated'...they will never sense their need for a Savior."
-"If God allowed his own Son to suffer...we can expect times when we will have to watch our children suffer for the greater good."
-"We are shepherding image bearers of the Creator God who live with freedom of choice, their own wills and a personal responsibility of their own."
-"It is my job to model my own need for God's mercy and to demonstrate how God can use even sinful people to accomplish his aims."
-"Prayers of thankfulness have added a new dimension to my parenting.  I try to thank God for my kids more than I ask God to change them."
-"Yes you would die for that child, but God already has. No one feels that child's pain more than God himself."
-"Parenting-even sacred parenting- comes with no guarantees."
-"You must become what you are praying _______ to become."

Matthew 25:35-36, 40 "For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.'...And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'"

Here's to parenting on my knees...

Memory Verse #12

But the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. Matthew 15:18, NIV

I'm linking you to a blog article that really spoke to me this week.  This was challenging to me personally in my own heart, but also as I look to a new season of parenting.  I pray I parent my children with the wisdom and gospel-pointed love shown here.  

Parenting on my knees, as I say!

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/the-gospel-cure-for-a-child-s-heart-and-our-own

Memory Verse #11

"My heart and flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Psalm 73:26, NIV

After saying "see you soon" to another grandparent, one thing resonates with me- God's faithfulness to the generations.  After my Papa's funeral, I wanted to start a family to carry on his legacy.  I have the same yearning after Poppy's.  I hope Nate and I can carry on the legacy of the GENUINE, Christ-following man my Poppy was.  Poppy loved people.  This was not a secret.  His house was always open, and he greeted friends with food, a swim and a good story.  He loved kids.  I loved hearing about how he would get to know the kids on the baseball teams he coached whose parents were not at the games.  He would help them.  I loved hearing how in 20+ years of daddy and my uncle playing youth, high school and college sports, he never missed a game.  I loved hearing how Poppy supported my dad and uncle so they could follow their career goals.  I love the way my dad and uncle love their families.  I know it is because of the example of their father.  I love that he loved my grandmother since grade school, and I love that they were married 59 years and 11 months.

He was the youngest of 5 siblings and the first to pass.  But, even at 80, he's just not the kind of guy I think about being gone.  He was supposed to "coach" the Hey Dad softball games on Sunday and take his buddy to a doctor appointment on Tuesday.  He was also supposed to meet baby girl...  

He would have loved to meet baby girl...I can picture him holding her and singing her a good Southern Gospel song...

I won't forget the countless Cathedral concerts, the nose-plugged Shamu jumps in the pool, rolling my eyes at his stories (and rightly so...I mean, did you hear some of those stories?!), the suspenders, the candy, the kisses on my cheek or watching him watch a game.

Kenzie said it best when he passed, "He's giving Jesus a high-four!"

Hope for Harith

 

About a year and a half ago, I posted about urgent medical care needed for this little guy.  Harith's traveled all over the world for medical care.  Dr. Joyce, from New Hope Foundation, has sent updates to a group of his supporters. I was fearful for him when I had an update in my inbox this morning.  It has been a little while since we've heard anything and I was expecting the worse.

Praise God I was wrong.  

Here is what Dr. Joyce wrote...

Dear Friends of Harith,

You may all remember that last year we urgently asked for and received your overwhelming support to save the life of a baby called Harith.

With your help, Harith survived several serious lung infections due to a hole in his esophagus and was eventually transferred to Cedar Sinai hospital in Los Angeles.

He has done very well and has recently been matched for adoption. He is expected to continue to do well and grow into a normal, healthy individual.

We are extremely grateful to all of you who helped to save his life.

Did you catch that...he's being adopted!!!!  Tears of joy (or hormones?)!

Doesn't he look amazing???

Memory Verse #10

I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God. Bend down and listen as I pray. 

Psalm 17:6, NLT

And another promise for this second verse of May.  I'm not very good at keeping secrets. However, I have come to LOVE the idea that God Almighty has many secrets.  A few years ago I would have admitted that I wish God hired sky-writers to tell us His plan in the midst of trouble.  "I trust," I would say, "I just want to know what's going to happen."  Now, I am human.  There are times I still look for that sky-writer, but I rest in the beautiful unknown because it's not unknown to Him.  He holds all.  He knows all.  His answer may not have been mine.  His is better.  I desire His best. 

As each prayer, request and word of thanks leaves my lips, He hears each one, this I know.  He not only listens, He responds, or will respond, in due time.

So, go.  Pray.  Trust.  Smile.  Your answer is coming.  

Memory Verse #9

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.  I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ. Philippians 3:8, NIV

I was recently reminded of this verse during a study on the Beatitudes.  Isn't it just fabulous?  In this world of gaining, we should strive for losing.  Stop, pause, and allow your priorities to be shaken.  Oh the joy we have in this treasure called Jesus!