Discipline

The Lord has quietly laid intentional scripture memorization on my heart for some time. I have quietly ignored it. I didn't have time or didn't know where to start or how to go about it.

One day, this book caught my eye on DG, so I downloaded myself a copy. And, it sat on my desktop.

My story of discipline picks up on the other side of the world.

During my quiet time in the early morning on a recent trip to China, the Lord was telling me to store up His words. I am so grateful for being stuck in traffic for 2 hours in Beijing one day so this could be confirmed by a dear friend and a dear conversation.

However, more than that conversation, it was confirmed simply by my proximity to persecution for 5 short days in April. Maria's Big House of Hope is neighbors with a prison. Apparently, there are many Christians in Luoyang and many underground churches. We were told there have been several arrests of pastors in the area and they were...right next door.

This may sound naive, but I had never felt "so close" to active persecution, to evil. My brothers and sisters are losing everything for their faith. They had stored up God's words because they knew they wouldn't always have their Bible with them.

Needless to say, God is teaching me this discipline. I have started memorizing Ephesians using the book, "An Approach to Extended Memorization of Scripture" By A. Davis as a guide. It's really overwhelming, but even after a few days, I notice a change in focus. When my mind wonders during the day, it wonders to Ephesians.

I am grateful for a Father who pursues me with what I need.

Stress stinks.

I lift my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-2

What the heck...

I'm try to analyze why my biological clock is ticking so loudly these days.

I feel like I turned 40 when I turned 25.

The Orphans I've Been Ignoring

One of the biggest struggles in my life lately has been our Wednesday night ministry at church. Every week 25 school-age girls come to Goss and only a small handful are "churched." Although there are encouraging and fun times, most nights I leave discouraged, frustrated and feeling like "what's the point?"

Throughout the year, of course, I pray for the ministry and the girls, but I think I do so with the expectation that nothing will really change. Oh how small my faith can be.

Last week as I was sitting around the table with a small group of girls, I was overcome with a sense of love and hope for their salvation. I want these girls to go to heaven. I want them to get it!

Over the next 12 hours or so, I had an eye-opening realization: these girls are orphans. Some are arguably orphans because they have sucky home lives, but most of them are the epitome of a spiritual orphan. If I say I am passionate about orphan care but don't give this ministry all of me, then there is a disconnect and a problem.

The answer? Prayer. I need to be on my knees for these girls, their lives, their struggles, and their future.

It's not always easy or fun, but it's not about me. It's about my Almighty Savior and where He has me to serve Him.

My hope, the same hope I hold for my loves in China, is that God may hear my quiet prayers and turn them into more than I could every imagine.

Treasured, Sacred... Me?

Below are the lyrics to Mercy Me's Beautiful, which I heard on the way to work one day this week. I heard it the morning after a rough night, mentally. Satan knows where to attack...my mind...and he does. A cried, literally, and cried out a praise of thanksgiving to my God who truly holds my heart.

I also realized how sneaky the Enemy had been that night. My dear husband was battling some of life's frustrations. We kinda rested in knowing we were sharing the same emotions (about different things) but it wasn't long before yours truly let hers get between the two of us. No, to the Enemy, there is no room for you in this marriage!

I am so blessed.


The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

I'm praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

Here's to Waiting

I'm feeling torn about China. Maybe I'm just trying to guard myself from disappointment. Praying for clarity and wisdom...I know His plans will be clear and play out perfectly. Here's to waiting!

What a night.

Tonight while I couldn't sleept/this morning when I let myself get out of bed, I realized: I think I have a sleep disorder, would like to start making quilts to support my (hopefully) China trip (no I've never made one before), and surpassed my end of the year weight loss goal by a pound.

All around, a good night. Now, off to move my grandmother out of the place that holds so many childhood memories.