Consider this...

...my attempt at a concluding entry to reading Crazy Love.

As I've read through Crazy Love, I have been grateful for my church. I am surrounded by the poor and people who love people; people who have sacrificed or will work/pray to meet the needs around them. It's truly a refreshing environment when you think about it. I mean, as I think about different families at church, there are so many people that have done/are doing things the world would view as crazy. In Chan's last chapter video he basically said that we should not seek perfection in knowing God's will and what we should do but that God just wants us to try something to show we love Him. God wants to see us try and to see us love. I have been challenged by stories in the book; some things I agree with, some I don't. I kinda view my past, and Lord willing future, China trip as one of my crazy love experiences. I do feel challenged to continue in our financial stewardship, as well. I was raised in a family and church that emphasized giving, which is good. I was challenged to think about my giving and realized I don't want to get stuck in my "giving routine." There's a line in a Matthew West song I am wrestling with..."throw a 20 in the plate but I never give til it hurts." What would that look like for me...giving til it hurts? (Again, China did hurt in various ways, but I am speaking financially here.)

I really did like the moments in the book when Chan reminded his readers that our life is a vapor. He gave important perspectives about worship, faith, control and heaven.

Overall, I have mixed feeling about the book. I know God used it to challenge me, but I also feel the Enemy used it to bring me down in some ways. When I am in my right mind, there is no doubt I have followed God's call for my life and I am right where I should be. But upon immediately finishing this book, I was struggling in my thoughts. I am quick to compare...the Enemy knows this...I kinda resent things that make me question if I'm following God's call or the call itself. There are great things happening around me and I can't be happy for these people/situations because I'm worrying that I'm doing something wrong. This over-thinking is definitely a snow ball effect. I hate it. It's dangerous.

I am thankful for the grace of a Savior and the wisdom of my husband.

I hear God whispering, "Be still...patience, my child...trust, relax, breath." Trusting my call and the One who gave it.

Plans

I do not find it coincidental that I'm ready "Crazy Love" just months prior to paying off my husband's student loans. Challenge is good. Second-guessing plans is...well...good.

This by no means retracts any feeling from the previous post. Just wanted to be clear :)

God's provision

Ok, so I've finished chapter 4 of "Crazy Love" and just started chapter 5. Chan is discussing this idea of a lukewarm Christian and then goes on to Biblically support this person is not really a Christian to begin with.

I don't want to comment on that at this point, but what I do want to comment on is one of his examples of what makes a "Christian" lukewarm. Chan argues that the lukewarm Christian is not fully dependent on God. This is not where my problem lies. He gives the example of a person who doesn't really need to depend on God because if something goes wrong, he has a savings account to fall back on.

Now, I've read/heard that Chan does not save for his retirement, and again, just from what I gather, he does not seem to have much of a financial plan for his life. Store for yourself a treasure in heaven...I get it...BUT, don't you dare imply I do not depend on God because I have a savings account.

This is how I respond. God gave me a brain. God is bigger than my birth control, stronger than my seat belt, and more powerful than the few bucks I have in the bank, BUT, I utilize the things He has provided. If I ignore the financial blessings in my life, then I am ignoring God's provision. If I continue to seek to be "dependent on God" and ignore the money he has already provided, then I'm not being dependent because I'm ignoring the way He has already provided. I would actually be a poor steward. Does this make sense? I see my savings account as a gift from God. Sure, I do have to be a wise steward and give cheerfully. He has provided things (money, seat belts) to protect me, and it's foolish not to use them.

I just don't buy this notion that if you trust God, you ignore the brain, and gifts, he has already given you.

because, sometimes, it's fun to be vain.

I dropped another 9 pounds in the last 4 weeks.

I'm down almost 30 pounds from my heaviest.

Not sure why, but losing weight is truly one of the best feelings in the world.

Crazy

What God did was crazy. Seriously, it's not normal. It's big. He sent Christ, His Son, to die. For me.

Shouldn't my response be just as crazy?

Just flipped open "Crazy Love."

More to come.

Hope

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-08YZF87OBQ

Sometimes when I hear the song "Mighty to Save," I can so perfectly place myself back at Maria's. Sitting on a mattress on the new hardwood floors in The Little Mermaid room. Scents of dumplings and babies. Lifting up my voice among 25 brothers and sisters. Staring out the window into the gray that is the newly constructed state orphanage.

God is mighty to save those the world has tossed aside.

Overwhelming.

I miss it so much I can barely catch my breath.

John 8:1-11

Today is the kind of day God's mercy slaps me in the face, and I am humbled.

Today is the kind of day I can see crystal clearly God's gifts are so much greater and persevere when my plans have fallen through.

Today is the kind of day I find myself just "being" in the goodness of my Almighty Savior and understanding the effect it has on my ability to "be" a better wife.


In other news, I love this quote sent to my inbox by desiringgod.org:

So go marry someone, provided you're equally yoked and you actually like being with each other. Go get a job, provided it's not wicked. Go live somewhere in something with somebody or nobody. But put aside the passivity and the quest for complete fulfillment and the perfectionism and the preoccupation with the future, and for God's sake start making some decisions in your life. Don't wait for the liver-shiver. If you are seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, you will be in God's will, so just go out and do something.
(Kevin DeYoung, Just Do Something: A Liberating Approach to Finding God's Will)